Into the Ocean
by GothicoGato
Summary: Eddward notices that Kevin is not in school one Monday and finds out Kevin has been killed in a dirt bike accident. The news crushes him and in the midst of the chaos of Kevin's death, Edd and Nat start forming a bond as they try to pick up the pieces of their now shattered lives. Hurt/comfort/romance
1. Wasted Lights

**Author's Note: **So I originally had this posted on my tumbr ( .com) and decided to put this up here on FF as well. This is a R!Au with R!Nat and R!Edd. So, if you are not a fan of either of those this is probably not the story for you. Trigger warnings abound as well. Nat belongs to C2ndy 2c1d and R!Au belongs to Asphyxion. Both of tumblr. Also, none of these chapters are edited cause I'm a lazy fuck so if anyone would like to beta for me, that'd be awesome.

There was something off about this particular Monday, and Eddward could not put his finger on what it was. He sat in his AP chemistry class and tried to figure it out. The swimmer really had no need to pay attention, as he had already done most of the work for the class. He leaned back in his chair and looked up to the ceiling. Once he figured it out, he realized why he felt so off. He hadn't seen the nerdy red head around anywhere today. Eddward had seen the boy's friends, but he was not with them. Come to think about it, they looked pretty out of it today as well.

He realized he had never heard back from Kevin since Sunday morning as well, before he went for a ride on that horrible dirt bike Kevin loved so much. The two of them had been talking quite a bit lately, and the teasing had lessened from Edd. Being the start of their senior year, Eddward realized that if he wanted a relationship with Kevin he would have to jump on the chance now. He made the decision that if he didn't see Kevin by the end of the day, he would ask his friends where the nerd was at.

The day drug on, and before long it was lunch time. He had still not seen Kevin, but noticed Nat and Nazz sitting at their table, looking somber. Dread started to fill Edd and he didn't know why. Maybe Kevin was sick today? Even so, Edd couldn't remember a time when Kevin had missed school just for being sick. His foot started to shake, as it did when he was in deep thought. Johnny and Jimmy knew not to inturrupt Edd when he got like this, so they just continued to eat in silence.

He wasn't even paying attention in his classes. He couldn't pay attention with his anxiety rising. He had already sent three text messages to Kevin's phone, and had not received a reply. He knew something was wrong, but he hoped he was just over reacting. He tried to tell himself that the red head's phone had died or that Edd had just pissed him off some how. He'd go to the boy's house and see him there working on his robots or something.

The end of the day finally came and still no reply from Kevin. He refreshed his messages over and over again. It was not like him to not keep his composure, but this was an exception. It had always been known that he worried about Kevin, even when he was picking on him. If he had hurt Kevin, Eddward went out of his way to make it up.

He caught Kevin's green haired friend and Nazz over at his locker and ran to him. "Nathan!" Edd shouted. Nat turned to see him and his eyes were puffy and red, like he had been crying. Nazz was not any better. He stopped when he saw their faces and was preparing for the worst.

"Can we help you, Edd?" Nazz said, harshness in her voice.

He took in a breath, "I have not seen quiz bowl all day. May I inquire where he is?"

They both looked stunned, as they had expected Eddward to be the first to hear about what happened. "Edd," Nat began, "Kevin…he passed away on Sunday. He had an accident on his dirt bike."

The ravenette could feel the color drain from his face. His breath hitched in his throat and he could have sworn he felt his heart stop for just a second. His eyes were wide and he was at a loss for words. Kevin was dead? No, that was wrong. They had just spoken on Sunday. There was no way he was dead.

"I don't believe you," He finally blurted out.

Nazz looked stunned and angry, "It wasn't an accident Nat. You and I both know the real reason. He let go of the bike handles on purpose and it was because of you Eddward."

She stormed off and Nat chased after her. All Edd could do was stand there in disapproval. The world felt like it had stopped around him, and he had no idea what to do. Died because of him? Was that really the reason, or words just spoken out of anger? Edd snapped out of his trance and walked to his locker to gather his things. He felt numb.


	2. Die Young

**Author's note: **Gonna be getting these up here as fast as possible. I don't own Nat (C2ndy 2c1d) or the R!Au (Asphyxion).

When Nat had seen his best fried laying on the ground all he could think was 'why'. He was in disbelief, and couldn't understand why it had happened. He should have been suspicious of the last text he received from his best friend. It was just a text telling him goodbye and that he'd miss his green haired friend. He was confused, and tried to text Kevin back quite a few times and tried to call. The red head never answered him back, but he wasn't terribly worried. Kevin was known not to have his phone charged most of the time, and that's all Nathan figured it was. That is all he'd hoped it was.

That was until Nazz came barging into his home and almost threw her phone at his face. She was near tears and hysterical. She kept saying that she would kill Edd next time she saw him, and that if Kevin came back, she'd kill him too. Nat read the text message to Nazz and almost passed out. It read, _"Nazz, I can't take it anymore. Everyday. Every…day I am tossed around, hit, or called out. It was fine before Edd started being nice to me. The beatings weren't as bad then. Now it's worse. One of the football players even etched the word 'Fag' into my stomach. And Edd. I'm sure he's just using me for his own sexual needs, and that is tearing me to pieces. I'm sorry for doing this, but I will no longer be around please take care of Nathan and Edd. They are going to need it."_

The two of them quickly got into Nat's car and drove to find their friend. They had an idea where he would have been. Kevin always went on his dirt bike on Sunday afternoons and always went to the same spot. Nat gave Nazz the directions, since he was the only one of the two to have been at the spot before. It was the longest twenty minutes of both their lives. Even with Nat speeding, it took them quite a while to get there. Once they finally found the spot, both of them rushed out of the car to try and spot their friend.

The two of them spit up to gather more ground. Nat ran calling out Kevin's name the best he could. He was near hysterics, a sensation that did not come naturally to the normally laid back teen. "Kevin!" He yelled through tears until his voice was horse. He finally stopped when he heard the reeving of a bike engine. He almost felt a twinge of hope when he saw his friend just riding his bike. A small relieved smile came to his face until he saw that Kevin was not wearing his helmet. He was driving far to fast for the curve that was coming his way. The red head hadn't even noticed Nat watching him in horror. Nathan tried to shout after him and run to his bike to try and stop him some how.

At the last second, Kevin saw Nat watching through the tears streaming down his face. Their eyes met one last time before Kevin let go of the bike. The red head's body went flying one way, and his bike the opposite. Kevin's head spit open almost instantly on impact. There was blood everywhere and Nat's friend laying lifeless on the ground in a grotesque scene. Nathan couldn't move and his breath was caught in his throat. His eyes were wide. He couldn't believe what he had just witnessed. Nat was trying to convince himself that his was all a bad dream and he would wake up. Why wasn't he waking up?

He hadn't even registered Nazz screaming as she ran to the mangled boy laying on the ground. Nat must have blacked out by that point, because the next thing he knew he was laying in a bed in the E.R., a bawling Nazz at his side. His heart sunk because he now knew it was not a dream. All of it had happened. He held his friend close and they both cried together.

He hadn't even wanted to to go school the next morning, but he knew it was what Kevin would have wanted them to do. He would have wanted them to be strong and move on quickly. It was not going to be easy for either of them to keep their composure. Nat kept checking his phone, still keeping some hope that his friend would text him and tell him everything would be alright. That text never came.

Evertime he closed his eyes, he could see Kevin's body lying motionless on the ground. As he looked out of his bedroom window, he tried to see if his best friend was there. He wanted to see him walk out of his house and yell at him for something, anything. He gripped his hands tight on the window sill, tears starting to fall again. He wiped his face, trying to compose himself some what be fore he journeyed to school.

The whole day had been long and exhausting. He tried to stay strong for Nazz who was not holding together well at all. She had hardly spoken all day and when she did try to speak, she just broke down. Nathan did the best he could to comfort her, but it was no use. He was in no shape to do such an act, but he tried.

They two of them would look around anytime they saw red hear, a quiz bowl hat, or someone who sounded like him. Hope would resonate through them, only to be crushed when they realized they were just imagining it, or it was one of Kevin's teammates. Soon almost the whole school had heard about Kevin's 'accident' as it was in the paper earlier that day. The only one who was kept out of the lookp was Eddward for various reasons.

Nat had seen how the ravenette was wandering uncomfortably all day. He knew Edd could tell something was off, he was intuitive enough. He wanted to tell Edd what happened, but at the same time he didn't. The text Nazz had received still rang in his mind. Kevin thought the love of his life was just using him on top of the rest of the hell he had received.

Nat had found himself breaking down between classes and hid in the bathroom. The boy ended up composing himself for the most part and made it through the day safe and sound. He had been gathering the things he needed for the day, when Nazz came to greet him. Her eyes were puffy and red and she looked nothing like the girl he had grown up with. He knew she always had more motherly affections for the red head, and always was trying to protect him.

"But, why me, Nat?" She asked between tears, "I don't think I can even take care of myself right now, let alone that douche."

"He may be a douche, but Kevin aske-,"

"Kevin isn't here anymore!" She interrupted Nat. She sighed to try to get a grip, "he isn't hear anymore." Her shoulders slumped as she held onto her book bag loosely.

He was going to tell Nazz something when he heard the familiar sound of Edd's voice behind him asking where their friend was. While Nazz was fuming, Nat just looked surprised.

"Kevin…he passed away on Sunday. He had an accident on his dirt bike," the words were hard for him to say. It was like he was giving in to the reality that he didn't want to exist.

He waited for an answer in the now silent swim captain. The look of shock did not go unnoticed in his normally lovely features, and Nat could feel his heart sink. Kevin had been wrong about Edd, he could feel it some how.

"I don't believe you," was all he got out of the swim captain before Nazz chimed in angrily.

"It wasn't an accident Nat. You and I both know the real reason. He let go of the bike handles on purpose and it was because of you Eddward," and she stormed off. Nathan at least wanted to say something to the jock, but found himself only able to give him a concerned glance as he ran off to chase his friend.

"What was that back there, Nazz?" Nat yelled, trying to catch up to his friend. Once he caught up to her, he spun her around and she punched him.

"Don't pretend to be nice to him, when we both know the reason our best friend is dead!" She ran into Nat's car and buried her face in her hands. He walked to the passenger side door, opened it, and held the girl. They both stayed there for quite some time before decided it was time to go home. They would need their rest for the following days to come.


	3. Dark Paradise

**Author's Note: **I know these are short and horribly unedited. I promise these will get longer as the story progresses. Probably. Hopefully. Crossing my fingers that I'm also not butchering the characters too badly. (Nat C2ndy 2c1d R!Au Asphyxion)

Eddward didn't even remember the ride home. All he knew is that he made it without wrecking, but that was about it. His mind was blank and he couldn't feel anything around him. He pulled his car to the drive way of his own home and looked over to his now deceased love interest's home. The lights were off and not one car was there. It was eery and there was an oppressive air that seemed to accompany it. He tried to mentally tell himself the scientific reasoning for the way it would feel like that, but it did not help him. He had thought about going to knock on the door, just in case, but dismissed the thought. He knew better and he already understood that no one would be answering him. Not now, or ever again.

He'd never get to see the sparkle in the boy's eye again or the bright smile that accompanied him whenever he was excited. He would never be able to feel the way Kevin's soft lips were on him again, or the way his body moved when they touched one another. No more playful teasing, joking, or talks of the future. All of that was gone. There had been so much life in him, and now it was drained away. There was a part of him missing that he had never even knew was there, but now that it was gone, he wanted it filled again.

Edd opened the door to his own empty house, glad for the silence for once. He did not want to be around anyone or for anyone to see him in the state he was in now. The second the door clicked shut behind him, he let go of the breath he was unaware that he was holding, and slid down the door frame. His legs were unable to hold him up any longer.

The swimmer placed a hand on his mouth to stop the sobs that were threatening to come through. He shut his eyes tight as the tears started to stream down his face. His breathing quickened as his hand gripped his face tighter to muffle the now growing sobs. His body was shaking almost painfully. He tried to grip the tile floor to no avail and ended up clenching his fist on the floor. Had he really been the cause of the nerd's death? If so, how was he to live with that? His heart was beating painfully and his whole chest hurt.

Edd had never cried before in his life, he kept everything inside of him. Including his true feelings for Kevin. He had always thought the boy would be around no matter what. It hit him that he was just taking advantage of that fact. The thought that no matter what, he'd always see Kevin smiling and laughing with his friends or with the jock himself. This was the thing that broke him. He brought his knees to his chest and just let himself grieve where no one could see him. Edd wrapped his arms around his knees and rested his head on top of them.

He couldn't keep his hands in one place, though. He ran them across the top of his hat, before ripping it off, revealing the scar that lay upon his head. The swim captain gripped his hair and screamed in agony onto his knees. He didn't know what else to do with the emotions he was feeling, but to scream. He cried until his eyes were red and puffy and yelled until his voice was horse. He knew tomorrow he would have a tough time speaking, but he didn't care.

God, tomorrow at school. How was he going to keep it together? He would make it a point to just not speak and avoid the red head's friends for the time being. He did not want anyone to think this was effecting him the way it was. He wanted to stay strong, but he was unsure how he would do it. Edd's body gave out and he couldn't hold himself upright any longer. He slumped over to the cold tile by his door arms wrapped around him.

He hadn't even realized he passed out until he woke up to the darkness that surrounded him. The crying must have taken a toll on him. Eddward rubbed his now sore eyes and noted that he had acquired a headache. He forced himself to get up from where he was resting, and went to fetch some water. The cold liquid felt good going down his now painful throat and he let out a content sigh when he had finished.

He walked over to his mother's alcohol cabinet and looked over the contents that were there. He had made it a bad habit to drink when he couldn't sleep and he knew that he would not be able to tonight, not in his state. He took out a bottle of Vodka and poured a fair amount of it into a glass. He gulped it all down in one go and slammed the glass back down. He shut his eyes as he let the liquid burn the back of his throat.

Edd decided he would forgo the glass and just took the bottle up to his room with him. Edd changed into a pair of sweats and flopped down on his bed. He looked around his room momentarily. Not a label out of place. Everything seemed so normal, yet it wasn't. He took another swig from the bottle, scolding himself for building such a high tolerance for alcohol. He just wanted to get drunk, pass out, and forget about the day. He wanted to wake up and for all of this to be a dream. Edd drank until almost half of the bottle was gone and his vision blurred.

Edd picked up his phone and looked over Kevin's name the best he could. How could one insignificant human have this kind of power over him? Edd sighed. It was precisely because he was not insignificant. The red head meant more to him than anyone else he had ever met and he had killed him. In his drunken state, this is what he truly believed. He clicked on Kevin's number and started to write out a text that he knew would never reach him. He told him that he loved him, that he always had and that he should have been there to protect him. He wished he could have taken the pain from him and he was sorry, though it didn't mean much now. He felt the tears stream down his face again and dropped the bottle on the floor to let himself break again.

He awoke the next morning with an even worse headache than he had before he fell asleep. He rubbed his temples and let out a breath. It was four in the morning. Figures, he had never slept passed this time since he was a child. He didn't even know when he had passed out, but whenever it was, it was not enough time to get rest. It never was. He threw his legs over the bed and forced himself to get up and start his day.

He started up his shower and stripped, placing his clothing into a neat pile on the ground. He turned on the shower, hoping that would manage to make him feel better and help him regain control for the day. He rested his arms and head against the wall, letting the water fall over his toned body. The shower was doing little to calm his nerves, so he made it quick and finished up. Edd dried himself and made his way back to his room before stopping.

He lost himself in thought, his mind going to dark places. He remembered the one thing that used to calm him down and it was the one thing he'd promised Marie he'd never do again. At this point, he didn't even care. Even though the scars had healed and were no longer noticeable, he just wanted to not feel anything for a few moments. The swimmer went to the back of his closet where had hidden his kit.

Edd pulled out the plain, black box and opened the lid. In it, perfectly organized, were a box of high quality, stainless steal razor blades, bandages, gauze, and some portable disinfectant. The last thing he wanted was an infection, and he wanted the least bit of scaring possible. He opened the box and took one of the sharp blades out and examined it between his fingers. Did he really want to go down this road again? He knew if he started he would not stop. The other issue was hiding it during swim practice.

"Fuck it," he whispered as he made the first incision on his bicep. It was clean, quick, and deep. Though, not deep enough to leave any permanent damage, just enough to get a good flow of blood going. He winced as he made the cut, then let out a sigh of relief as he leaned back against the door of the closet. The rush he felt was almost orgasmic and the calm he felt after both scared and relieved him. He made sure to clean it properly and bandage the wound before getting dressed. His coat and hoody covered the mark perfectly, and he made his way to face the day.

Nazz had stayed home from school today, but Nat had decided to try and at least make it for part of the day. He had hardly seen Edd, but he was trying to keep his eye out for the swim captain, wondering how he would take the news. Once lunch rolled around, he finally saw Edd laughing with his friends like nothing had happened.

He was filled with an anger that he didn't know he was capable of feeling. Was Edd for real? How could he just act like nothing had happened? He would have at least thought if the ravenette had any soul in him whatsoever, he'd at least pretend to be sad about the boy who happened to love the jerk. Nazz had been right. There was no point in watching over Edd. He seemed to be doing just fine and it made Nat's heart sink to know that the man whom Kevin loved, didn't even seem to care about his death.


	4. Guardian Angel

Nathan observed the swimmer's actions for the coming weeks, and it pissed him off. The carefree attitude that Edd was giving off made is blood boil. He'd never been one to get very angry before, but this was different. It was as if Kevin's death meant nothing to him, or that Edd found it amusing somehow. What bothered him the most was that it didn't seem that Eddward even cared that he was partly the cause for Kevin's death. Nat knew Edd wasn't the sole contributor, but it had seemed that the jock had added fuel to the fire.

Once lunch time rolled around, he couldn't hold his tongue any longer and walked over to the laughing jock. Nat grabbed Edd by his shirt and gave him a swift punch to his face. The shock on Edd's face did not go unnoticed, but he motioned Johnny and Jim to sit down.

"What the hell is your problem, Goldberg?" Edd scowled as he rubbed his face.

He let go of the swimmer's shirt before stepping back, "Don't act so smug while there's blood on your hands." He walked off to leave Edd in shock, Nathan's words cutting through him like a knife. Edd tried to regain his composure before pushing his food away completely. If only the green haired boy knew how much it destroyed him inside to know such information.

He had made up his mind that he would get the swim captain alone and give him a piece of his mind. Nat knew, only because Kevin had mentioned it at some point, that on Fridays when there was no mandatory practice that Edd would still go to the pool and truly get to the bottom of why Kevin's love interest was acting like shuck a prick. He was really starting to wonder what his best friend had even saw in the guy aside from his looks.

Anger surged through Edd as he watched Nathan walk off, but he did nothing about if for fear of losing it in front of everyone. He preferred to morn in silence and would work off his frustrations in the pool. Though, he also knew that his foul mood was growing and he would not be held responsible for what happened to the next person who pissed him off.

The day went by painfully slow for the both of them, Nathan wanting to confront Edd again and Edd wanting to just be left alone and away from the wandering eyes of his classmates. He knew they were all judging him for the way he was acting. Some people cried, others remained silent. All except for him. It was fine, he did not care about what his small minded peers thought about him. Though, the stress of the day had caught up to him and he was gripping his pencil tightly, trying to stay composed through the last few minutes of school.

The bell for the last class finally rang, and Edd almost tore from his seat. He got to his locker and removed everything he would be needing for the following day. Edd wasn't really there as his legs lead him to the pool. He quickly changed into his tight practice trunks and removed his sock hat, knowing full well no one would be able to see him at this time. Since there was no actual practice, no one else used the pool. He still liked to work out and train himself with his moves to get better.

Today was not for extra training, though. He wasn't even sure what he was trying to accomplish, but he would do whatever it was. As Edd dove into the pool, he felt the high he always got from the water. There was something about it that always soothed him, and took away any troubles he was having, even if it was only temporary. Maybe it was because he felt like he had conquered the water some how and they were like equals.

Edd swam harder than he had ever done that day. Though, he had been practicing even harder since the boy's death and it was noticeable. As were his newly forming scars that he tried to keep concealed. No one dared talk about them, though. Everyone knew how Edd would react if someone mentioned it.

All he could think about was Kevin. There was nothing else flooding his mind, and he had not realized how much not having him around would effect him as much as it was. This particular memory that surged through his mind when he swam, was of the first time the two made love. Yes, that is what it was. For Edd at least, it was not just some casual hook up. It was something special the two of them had shared. He let his mind drift as he swam, reliving the moment in his mind.

_The day itself had been nothing spectacular. It was an average weekend, and pretty warm outside. He had some how gotten the water fearing red head to go swimming with him at the lake. He had led Kevin to a spot far from the homes. The spot was beautiful and calm. The trees gave them incredible privacy and the lake it self was clear and crisp. He'd even been able to drag the boy into the water, even if Kevin was giving him a death grip as he brought them to the deeper end of the calm waters. _

_Edd couldn't remember what snarky remark had gotten Kevin to playfully splash Edd, but it did lead to a small battle of the waves they made. Edd obviously let the red head win, so he pulled him close and held his arms at the boy's side. The nerd continued to protest before the swimmer placed his lips softly on the others. When he connected, a spark of electricity shot through the swim captain's body and he was glad when Kevin returned the kiss. _

_He had released the boy's arms by this point and let Kevin wrap his arms around Eddwar's neck, and he pulled the nerd into a deeper kiss. One thing led to another and they had both found themselves back at Edd's, clothing removed and Edd exploring Kevin's body. _

_He loved the way the other reacted to his touches and he enjoyed finding all of Kevin's sensitve places. When they had finished, it was the most alive Edd had ever felt. Nothing could compare to that moment._

He was unsure how long he had made laps in the pool, but he knew even though his body burned, he couldn't stop. He pushed through the pain, just as he had one all through the last few painful weeks. The sadness he was feeling had not let up in that time. On the contrary, they had only escalated as reality repeatedly came crashing down on him.

Edd finally had to stop when he realized his body couldn't handle anymore. He came crashing to a stop as he held onto the side of the pool, breathing heavily. The swimmer wiped the water from his face with his hand. He hadn't even realized the tears had started to flow again and it pissed him off. He just wanted the agony to stop.

He got out of the pool and ran a hand through his hair, taking in deep breaths to try and calm himself to no avail. Edd stripped down and turned on the showers. He leaned against the wall, falling to the ground, legs giving out on him in a combination of exhaustion and just overwhelming sadness. He covered his face with one of his hands, Nathan's harsh words echoing in his mind over and over again. He had never felt so weak.

Nat entered the pool area and looked for the ravenette. To his surprise, and disappointment, he did not see the boy in the water. He started to walk farther into the room and could hear the faint sounds of the showers running. He ran to the locker rooms, not caring what state he would find Edd in. He just needed answers.

He burst through the shower doors, ready to speak his mind until he saw something he never imagined he would. Edd on the floor, knees to his chest crying into his hand. He could faintly see the scars on the swimmers bicep and his eyes softened.

"Edd?" Nat whispered, starting to walk forward to him.

Edd's eyes widened in fear, and anger. He shot a glare at Nat through damp, red eyes, covering the scar on his head, "Get out!" He shouted.

The green haired boy reached out a hand to Edd as he continued to walk closer, "Edd, look, I-"

The swimmer turned his head away, face red. He felt exposed, and had not anticipated anyone coming near the area, "I do not believe I stuttered, Goldberg!" He said coldly.

Nat did as he was told and left the room, but he couldn't leave Edd fully alone in the state he had just found him. Even if the boy had been an ass throughout these last few weeks. He pulled out a piece of notebook paper and wrote a note for Edd before leaving to head back home.

Once he heard Nat's foot steps leave the locker room, he got himself up and dried off. He put a towel around his waist, leaving to retrieve his clothing. He noticed on his book bag was a ripped piece of paper. He unfolded the note and his eyes widened at the name and number on it.

_If you need someone to talk to, call me ~Nat _


	5. Nobody Here is Perfectly Fine

Edd sat in his bed, examining the note Nat had left him. The swimmer mentally scolded himself for letting himself get caught in such a compromising position, and it pissed him off how Goldberg seemed a complete change of heart to the brunette. Nat was doing the one thing he hated, pitying him. He did not need anyone elses comfort, and he sure wouldn't run to the weird friend of his nerd. The jock was taken from his thoughts when he heard his mother call him from down stairs.

He sighed angrily and sat the note down on the desk by his bed. Edd had not expected her home until later on in the night. Even though she usually tried to get off her shifts at the hospital early on Fridays, it was still usually pretty late. That didn't bother Edd as he hardly ever slept as it was, and he enjoyed the time he got to spend with his mother. He knew she did not like not seeing her son often, but he also knew she had to make enough money to keep them afloat.

He smiled when he went down the stairs and saw his mom coming through the front door. Edd ran to her and gave her a hug. She had known what a terrible time he had had since Kevin's death and tied to do her best to comfort her son. Every Friday, when she was off work, she'd bring some sort of junk food home and they'd watch a sappy movie and laugh. While Edd was not usually one for such activities, any time he got to spend with his mom was always welcome.

Tonight, she'd brought them their own small individual ice cream tubs and Princess Bride to watch. He ran down to give her a hug and actually felt himself smile for the first time this week. She hugged him back. Suzzie was one of the few people who had seen the non-cynical version of her son. She could see through the facade, for the most part.

That is why when she had heard about Kevin's death from Edd, and he said he was alright, she known better. When she had gotten home the night before Eddward had told her and found the half empty bottle, she had known something was wrong. She didn't like see the swimmer drink, and she certainly didn't want him to go down an even darker path. So, she decided that every chance she had, she would do something to take his mind off of the situation the best she could. This was something the jock was grateful for. He loved spending time with her when he got a chance.

"Looks like someone missed me," She laughed as Edd pulled back.

He laughed and gave her a big grin, "Preposterous, I don't believe you can prove that. Now what did you bring me for snacks."

"Hey, you don't get to start pigging out without me," she smacked his hand away from the bag playfully, "get the movie started and I'll be back in a second."

She messed up his hair through his hat playfully and he laughed as he saw his mom leave to change from her scrubs to pajamas. Edd got the dvd ready and sat on the floor his back on the couch. The swimmer waited eagerly to get this started. He needed this after everything that happened today.

Suzzie handed her son a spoon and kept one for herself. She'd handed Edd the ice cream he used to like as a kid, mint chocolate. He gladly took the ice cream and started to eat it as they watched the move. Edd hadn't really been eating much these last few weeks, so he was happy to have something.

The two of them watched the movie and laughed, his mother making fun of the hardened jock for liking such a girly movie and Edd sticking his tongue out at her playfully. Everything was going great until Suzzies phone went off. She groaned and looked to see who it was. It was the hospital, no doubt needing her to come back for because they were short staffed.

"Mom, just answer it. They need you," Eddward told her knowing full well who it was. As much as it hurt him to know how much she had to work to keep the two of them living comfortably, he knew that she had to do what she could.

She looked at him apologetically, "I'm sorry sweety. I will make it up to you." She gave him a quick hug and went back to change. Edd could hear Suzzie on the phone saying they owned her one for taking her away from her only night with her son. She waved at him before running out the door. Edd waved back before turning to the movie still playing.

Edd let out a sad sigh as he got up. It would be back to the bottle for him tonight. He decided on Vodka again before pouring a glass. He downed it in one go, as he did most nights, and vaguely paid attention to the movie. Two or three glasses in, Edd found himself thinking about the red head again. Why couldn't he just take his mind of that guy for two fucking minutes? He wanted to just forget the nerd ever existed. At least then, this wouldn't hurt as much.

He looked back over at the movie. This had been what they'd watched after they came back from the lake that day. He remembered Kevin giving him a hard time about bringing such a sappy movie over, but the two of them ended up enjoying it and fell asleep on Kevin's couch. Edd was holding Kevin close and it was the best sleep he'd ever remember having. He found the tears coming down again while his hand rested on his face. He was so sick of crying and just wanted it all to stop.

Nathan really wasn't fairing any better. Every time he shut his eyes, he could hear the cracking of bone as Kevin's head had hit the ground. He saw the blood and brain of his once enthusiastic friend. He tried not to shut his eyes, thus not getting much sleep since the incident. He laid on his bed, arms crossed over his eyes, and allowing the tears to fall freely.

Nat couldn't say he'd ever been depressed before, sad yes, but not bodily crushing sad. Unlike Edd, though, he was fully up for allowing these emotions flow through him. There was no point in hiding it, and Nazz would be able to tell no matter what.

She had been coping the best out of the three, for the most part, but she had only seen the aftermath. She didn't have to witness her best friend actually go through with suicide. Suicide, that word rang throughout Nat's mind over and over again. He felt like he should have known. If Kevin had said something to him, he could have done something. If he had said anything to anyone, hell even Edd would have tried to stop him.

God, Edd. Nathan had almost forgotten about him. The way he found Edd in the showers today completely changed his view on the jock. The idiot was just pretending to not be effected. He wondered how much the swimmer was really suffering with all of this and those scars. What was going on with the usual stoic Eddward?

Nat shook his head. Why was he even thinking about the guy? Yes, it was true that he had left his number with him should the swim captain decide to call him, but that didn't mean he completely forgave the guy. He just didn't believe that anyone deserved to go through this, not even the asshole jock.

Just as he thought that, his phone vibrated. Nat wiped his face and looked at who it was at this hour. It was from a number he didn't have in his phone. Nat picked it up, trying to have some semblace of composure in his voice, "Hello?"

"Goldberg," he heard the familiar voice through the other end, "I am taking you up on your offer to speak. You should feel special. I don't do this with many people."

"Are you drunk?" Nat asked at Edd's slurred words on the other end of the phone.

"Perhaps," He spat, "why did you give me your number? From the way you acted earlier, I had assumed you felt great disdain towards me." There was a pause as Edd took another swig from his bottle, "was it because you found me the way you did today? Do you pity me now? Because you shouldn't I am one hundred percent fine."

Nat scoffed on the other end of the line, "Yeah, you sure seemed fine today. Look hot stuff, I don't pity you, but you don't have to go through this alone, ya know? I really don't know how you felt for Kevin-"

"How did he think I felt? Did he kill himself and was it because of me? Tell me!" Edd interrupted. Edd couldn't believe he uttered those words. Edd had known that Kevin had comitted suicide that was for sure, but he hadn't said it out loud, yet. That just made it seem all the more knew he was rambling and if he were sober, this would not be happening, "and do not lie to me, Goldberg. I do not appreciate liars."

Nat sighed as small muffled sobs were heard on the other end. He did give Edd his number to call, but he hadn't been expecting a drunk phone call at one in the morning. Still, he couldn't help but feel bad for the swimmer. Nat was trying to calculate the best way to answer Eddward's question. He heard Edd take another swig and felt his heart sink. He couldn't help but feel a small amount of sadness for the jock, as it seemed he was just unable to show how he was really feeling. At least not without the booze.

"Look Edd," the teal haired boy began, "what happened wasn't your fault. A combination of things brought it about. Though, he had mentioned that he thought you were just using him. Kevin didn't really think you had the same feelings for him or something. I don't know, man. The text he sent was pretty messed up. " Nat took another deep breath before responding to the silence now on the other end, "and yeah, he killed himself. I saw it happen." Nat rubbed his temples and waited for a response.

So, he was at least partially responsible. He was about to say something until Nathan told him he'd witnessed Kevin's death. He was stunned almost silent. Eddward was trying to speak through the hard sobs threatening to come out. His hand was under his nose as he managed to speak again, "I'm sorry, Nathan."

He raised an eyebrow that Edd couldn't see, "For what?"

"Everything," He said as he hung up the phone. The swimmer pulled his legs to his chest, still clutching to his phone. It vibrated again and his eyes widened at the number. Kevin, but how? Who the hell was using his phone and who would play such a cruel joke on him? He scoffed and opened the text any way. _It's Nazz, _it read, _I know it's weird for me to use Kev's phone, but I lost mine and I don't have your number. I just wanted to say I'm sorry. No matter how mad I was, I shouldn't have said those things to you. _

He didn't know if he should be sad, angry, or relieved. He actually felt a calm go through him, though, and he sent the girl a text back, _No need to be sorry. _Edd hadn't gotten a reply back, so he lay down letting the effects of the vodka take over. Nathan didn't know how to react to Edd's words. That boy was a mystery and he was going to get to the bottom of it, one way or another.


	6. The Sun

Edd groaned at the sunlight that shown through his room. He had drank far more than he should have and didn't remember anything after his conversation with Nat. His arm hurt and he could feel the dried blood that was caked all over it and on the bedsheets. He had really done a number on his whole arm and it looked sloppy. The wounds were almost too deep and they covered from the upper part of his bicep down to the base of his wrist. The cuts were not like the neat carefully planned out ones he had usually strived for, and he mentally scolded himself for letting himself lose control like that.

Edd sat up, careful to not irritate his new wounds anymore than they already were. He looked down and examined the rest of the damage. There was blood everywhere on the sheets and down his throbbing side.

"Goddamnit," Eddward muttered, lifting his arm to see that he had managed to slice down his rib cage to his hip as well. This was the worst binge he had ever encountered, yet he wasn't ashamed of it. He was pretty numb about what he had done. The swimmer had hoped he'd at least feel something, but he didn't. The only thing he could feel was the pain shooting through his body from the self inflicted injuries. He sickly enjoyed it.

He walked into his bathroom to wash off the caked blood from his body. He would deal with the bloody sheets later. Edd stripped off his sweats and boxers and made his way to the shower. Edd made the slow process of washing and making sure his cuts were very well clean before he could bandage them. Some were still bleeding lightly and he could see how deep they were. A few more inches and he would not have woken up. He almost wished he hadn't.

As he washed himself, he thought about his conversation with Nathan. Had Edd been sober, he would not have even thought about calling Goldberg, but he had to admit it was still nice to talk to someone. It still perplexed him how the green haired boy could just flip his switch like that. If he believed that Edd at least partly was responsible for the red head's death, why would he show any sympathy towards the swimmer? Edd knew he wouldn't have, but Nathan was apparently nothing like him.

Edd realized Nathan had it worse than him. He'd actually seen Kevin commit the act, and Edd was even more angry at himself for acting like such a child. As sad as he was, he had no right to feel that way when the teal haired boy had it worse of than him and he seemed to be coping better. What made Edd feel he had the right to act the way he was?

He was trying to figure out why he'd started to drink more as talking to Nat seemed to have settled his nerves for a small amount of time and he had planned on going to bed. Then, he remembered the text the red head's girlfriend sent him. Had he been sober, he would have realized it wasn't from his former love, but seeing his name drunkenly on the screen made him lose it again.

He just wanted to be over this. The pain in his chest wouldn't let up and everything he saw and did reminded him in some way of Kevin. Swim meets were the worst. He'd had one since that fateful day, and he lost. Edd had tried to survey the crowd, looking for Kevin's bright eyes waiting there to cheer him on. There was no use, though. He'd barely heard the sound of the gun go off to dive into the water and he had all but forgotten how to swim. He hadn't lied when he said that he couldn't win without Kevin.

He got out, covering his cuts after drying off. He looked out the window to see his mother's car outside, so he decided on a long black shirt. He didn't need her to see his new injuries, as she did not react well the last time she saw them when he was younger. He also didn't need her to worry anymore than she already was for her son.

He checked his phone to see a new text from Nat. Edd raised an eyebrow. Did the boy think they were friends now or something? He opened the message. _Hey, just wanted to let you know the funeral is on Tuesday after school. _

Edd was not sure he was ready to face the reality of a funeral. It would bring to light that Kevin was in fact gone, and he was completely happy being in denial of that fact. He knew he had to go, though. He would just stop by long enough to pay his respects, then leave. Then it would only be like he was visiting the red head, right?

He headed downstairs to see his mother making them breakfast. She was making french toast, which she only did when she wanted to speak to Eddward about something. He knew she hadn't seen the scars yet, but he was sure it was about his alcohol consumption. She smiled sweetly at him as she sat down his food. She'd cut the crust off, that definitively meant she wanted to speak.

"Edd," She began, "I know you're upset about your friend's death, and you should be, but you're really starting to worry me. I don't like to see you this sad and have you lost weight?"

_Only a small amount, _He thought. He really hadn't been eating much since Kevin's death, which is what usually happened when he was upset. "I will be alright, mother," He finally spoke, "This has just shaken me up more than I had anticipated. There is no need for you to worry."

Her shoulders sank as she looked over her normally strong son. The circles under his eyes were darkening and he just looked tired and sad all the time. Even when Edd smiled, she could see something or someone missing in his eyes. They normally had such spark and life, now they looked drained and dull. Suzzie had known his feelings for Kevin, even when Edd didn't realize them himself.

"You know I'll worry," she said as she gave him a light kiss on the cheek, "I'm your mother, that's my job." He gave him a quick squeeze before gathering her purse, "I'll be back sometime after work, if they ever let me leave."

Edd gave her a small chuckle as she left. Edd stared at his food and pushed his plate away. He logically knew he should eat, he just couldn't physically make himself. Edd went back to his room to look over his phone again. He eyed Marie's name then Nat's. He really didn't want to be alone, but sighed in defeat. He didn't deserve to be sad, and he certainly didn't want any sympathy.

Nathan was thinking about their conversation from the previous night as well. What had Edd meant when he said he was sorry for everything? It's not like he could have known, no one did. Kevin hid it pretty damn well, and there really was no one to blame for this. He wasn't sure why he was taking an interest in Edd, though. Aside from the few occasions that Kevin and Edd had been with them, Nat and the jock had hardly spoken.

Still, the way the swimmer looked at him before when he'd seen him and the call he had received, hadn't settled right with him. He knew he couldn't leave the jock alone like this, not matter what he thought about him. He wondered how the swimmer would fair at the funeral. Nat wasn't sure how he would either. Nothing had really sank in yet, and he didn't really want it to.

Nat picked up the picture he had of him, Nazz, and Kevin from last year. Everyone looked so happy. He wondered how all of this could have come crashing down so quickly. He felt himself wiping away a few tears of his own that were starting to fall. Though, once they started they wouldn't stop. He held his face in his hands, and saw Kevin again when he closed them. He wanted his best friend back and he would have given anything for that wish to come true.

Nathan knew better than that though and it hurt not having his friend around to talk to anymore. He sometimes just sent texts to Kevin's phone to make himself feel better. Nat even would check his phone in the hopes of a new text back, saying Kevin had just been pulling a dirty joke on them. That he wasn't really dead.

He sighed and wiped the tears away. There was no point in crying anymore. He had to be strong, for everyone. God was it hard though. He decided that'd he would check up on the swim captain. It was the last remaining thing he had living on from his best friend, and he wanted to keep that going now that he'd started something.

Drunk or not, Edd had kind of opened up to him and he figured that was a start. Nat picked up his phone and sent a text message to Edd.

Edd was taken from whatever new trance he was in by his phone. He raised an eyebrow and groaned. Did the guy thing they were friends now? Just because Edd had drunkenly confessed things to him, didn't mean anything, right? He wouldn't admit it, but he had wanted to speak to at least one other human being right now to keep his mind from going to dark places. He opened the text and replied back.

**Nathan: **Hey, how are you feeling, hot stuff?

**Edd: **I am awake if that means anything.

**Nathan: **Anything happen after we hung up?

**Edd: **Like what pre tel?

**Nathan: **Idonno. You didn't…you know hurt yourself or anything?

Edd sighed, so Nat had seen the scars, but why was he asking? That was a personal matter and no one else would have had the balls to ask. Edd respected Nat for that.

**Edd: **I am to presume you saw the scars, then?

Nat took a moment before he answered.

**Nathan: **Yeah, I did. The hell man?

**Edd:** Moment of weakness. It was a one time thing, it shall never happen again. I must go now. I will see you on Tuesday.

Edd couldn't talk about it any longer. He was having a hard enough time going on from day to day, let alone having someone who reminded him of Kevin speaking to him. Nat scoffed, so much for that. It was worth a shot anyway.

Nathan went the rest of the day helping with funeral arrangements. It was easily the hardest day of his life. He helped the red head's family pick out coffins and find a burial plot. Nat stayed in stunned silence for the most part. It was all to much for him, and he just wanted to sleep and pretend this was all a bad dream. That they weren't picking out coffins for his best friend. That he wouldn't have to see Kevin lowered into the ground.


	7. Beautiful Goodbye

Nathan had noticed that Edd had not been in school that Monday and had wondered if he was actually going to be at the funeral at all. When the jock had called him, he just seemed so…broken. In all his years, he would not have expected that from the Eddward D. Vincent. The guy who seemed to have everything. The guy who always got what he wanted and never took shit from anyone. But, that Edd was not the man who called him, nor was it the man who he found breaking in the showers. And those cuts. Were those intentional? He didn't really see the jock as the self harming type, but he didn't really see him as the drinking type either. Everyone had something to hide he supposed. He didn't even know why he was even thinking about the guy. Sure, he had felt horrid for him, but there was something in the back of his mind that said to not let the swimmer out of his sight. He wasn't sure what, but it was something that kept nagging at him, that if someone didn't keep the swimmer occupied, he'd do something stupid. That is why Nathan had made a point to bother the swimmer any chance he had. Starting Monday when he saw the text message that Edd had sent to Kevin's phone.

Edd hadn't been in school on Monday or most of Tuesday so far, on an account of being incredibly ill. It had seemed that the not eating, drinking, and overall soul crushing depression was catching up with him. That and the fact that soon, he would have to see the man he loved being placed into the ground. It would bring to light that all of this was real, and Edd was still happy to be blissfully in denial about it. He had even taken to texting Kevin's phone, pretending that the red head was just ignoring him.

The swimmer's rational side knew better, though. It was just something he had to do in order to keep some semblance of sanity. Even now, he had a long drawn out apology written up. _Kevin, I know you are not able to read this, but I must get it off of my chest. It has been three weeks since your…accident. There is nothing that brought me more joy than seeing you and your smile throughout the day. The way you're eyes lit up when you talked about something you loved, was more than my heart could bare most times. I know I had not always treated you the way you should have, and I regret that everyday I cannot hear your voice. Did you send your last message to me before you took your fall? At first, I wondered how you could think I was using you. Could you not see it in my eyes every time I looked at you? Then I realized, you probably couldn't because my eyes are always cold. I took advantage of the fact that you would never leave my side, no matter what. I am not very good at showing my emotions or that I care about others. Truth be told, I really don't, but you were the exception. You were always there, it's not right that we don't have you at our sides any longer and I am partly the cause of it. I know it means nothing now, but I am truly sorry. I love you. _

Edd hit send, not realizing that Nazz was still carrying the red head's phone with her where ever she went. She read over every text that Edd had sent to the phone. She had realized how truly broken up Eddward was about what happened and regretted ever telling him that he was the cause of her friend's death. It was no ones fault really. This last message, though, almost made her burst into tears in the middle of class.

Nat gave her a worried look and raised his eye brow, looking confused as well. He took the phone from her and read over that message and the rest of them he'd been sending to Kevin's phone. From the look of it, he had started sending them the day after he found out of the nerd's death. Nat sighed and shook his head. He thought the swimmer had lost it for sure, but he couldn't help feel a small pang of sadness for the jock. Edd was trying to keep it together the best he could, but Nathan realized that he was suffering just as much, if not more than he was. Nat may have seen him die, but Edd had to live with being told he'd pretty much killed him.

Told by both Nazz and himself and the teal haired boy felt horrible for even saying those things. He'd should have seen how much Eddward was hurting, instead of jumping to conclusions that just made the situation worse. He should have noticed how the swimmer was almost acting too okay. Edd really was in love with his friend. It was at that moment, he chose to harass the jock.

Edd groaned as he heard the phone ring that afternoon. Whoever it was that was bothering him while he was trying to catch up on his sleep would certainly have to pay when he saw them next. When he noticed who it was he rubbed his temples. Goldberg again?

**Nat: **Hey, sweet cheeks.

Was he really trying to get on Edd's good side that way?

**Eddward: **May I ask why you are messaging me?

Edd knew he must have sounded cranky, even though the text, but he didn't care. He did not want to hear from the one thing that still reminded him of the red head.

**Nat: **Can't someone just check up on another person, Mr. Crankypants? I noticed you weren't in school today and wanted to know why.

Edd's eyes narrowed. Mr. Crankypants? What was this guy playing at?

**Eddward: **You are very observant. If you must know I am quite ill. Aren't you in class?

Nat hadn't remembered a time Edd had ever misses school and he'd remembered seeing him pretty rough most of the time when he was sick.

**Nat: **You sick? I thought you were like, indestructible or something by the way Kevin talked about you. Yeah, dad, I'm in class. It's fine I already know the stuff they're teaching.

The swimmer scoffed. Indestructible? If only the boy could see him now. Edd wanted to snap at Nat for even mentioning his name, but he realized that Kevin's friend was only trying to be friendly. A small smile threatened to form on his face.

**Eddward:** Pay attention.

That is how they started to communicate through Monday and most of Tuesday.

Tuesday could not have come quicker for the boys. The both of them just wanted to get the funeral done and over with. Edd spent most of that day forcing himself to take a shower and get ready. He was trying to get himself emotionally ready for what was about to take place.

Nat was not fairing any better, and he couldn't even concentrate throughout school. He actually asked to take time from school that day and he managed to get out of the rest of the day. The second he got home and closed the door, the reality of what was happening today came crashing down on him. Hard.

Nat sank to the floor, letting his legs fall to either side, arms trying to support his weight. He was exhausted and just wanted one night that he didn't see blood whenever he closed his eyes. Nat hoped that everything would start getting back to normal after today. He hoped his friend would get some solace after he was buried. He picked up his phone and sent another message to Edd. _Yo, are you still showing up tonight?_

Edd looked at the clock. He had an hour until the funeral started and figured he should at least get ready. He saw heard his phone ring and looked to see the now familiar number he'd secretly come to look forward to these last couple of days. _Wouldn't miss it for the world._ He typed back rolling his eyes. Edd rummaged through his closet and settled on a nice button up, black dress shirt and black jeans with some nice shoes. The hat was going to stay for the time being. He noticed the clouds outside and decided an umbrella would be appropriate as well.

Nathan shook his head at the sarcastic text. He managed to pull himself off of the floor and move to his room to change into something more appropriate. He put on a nice black and white suit he only wore for special occasions. Nat felt as though he should dress up for his friend at least, even though he hated the thing.

When the time finally came, both boy's left their homes and headed to the church where the ceremony was. Nathan sat at the front of the church while Edd stayed to the back, the glares he was receiving from family members not going unnoticed by the ravenette. He wondered what horrible things Kevin must have told them.

He listened to the preacher dabble on about heaven and how Kevin was in a better place. Eddward didn't buy any of this kind of thing and knew Kevin would just be rotting in the ground for the rest of eternity. He would go unremembered in the years to come, as they all would once they finally passed. Nat noticed Edd in the back pews, arms crossed and a neutral look on his face. He figured the swimmer was trying to come off as aloof again now that he was in front of other people.

They did have an open casket, seeing as who ever ended up doing the body was able to fix up his crushed skull enough to be able to show the body. Everyone was called to come and say their last respects.

Nathan stood their at the coffin, just wanting to get this over with. He sighed and tried to hold back the tears as he saw his friend, arms crossed, in a suit, laying lifeless in the box. This was it, this was the last time he'd truly see Kevin. Nat didn't know what to say really so he just settled for a quick goodbye and started to walk off. He saw Edd coming after him, not really sure how the swimmer had made it to the front so quickly.

Eddward's breath stopped as he saw the man he loved laying in the coffin. He just looked like he was sleeping and Edd tried to look for some hint of his chest moving. This was all a joke right? Kevin was resting. His skin didn't even look dead, though Edd knew that was because of the make up and embalming process. His eyes rested on the stitches from where the guy at the morgue stitched it back up. It was in the exact place the swimmer's was on his head.

"Nope," Edd spoke angrily, "Fuck this."

The swimmer couldn't deal with seeing his lover like this and started to walk out of the church. "Edd," he yelled, and went to chase after him, but the jock had already run out and disappeared.

Eddward took in deep breaths and tried to calm himself. This was all too much. Kevin looked to life like to be dead, this was not happening. It hadn't ever been happening. This was just another nightmare and Edd would wake up. God, why wasn't he waking up.

It was raining hard by this point and the swimmer had no idea how long he'd been waiting, but from the looks of it, long enough for people to be leaving. He had been watching Kevin get buried into the ground from a distance. Once he thought everyone left, he finally got the courage to go and see the grave.

The grave stone was beautiful marble with Kevin's picture engraved in it. Edd read over his name and birth to death. "You're really gone aren't you?" He spoke. He didn't even care that he was being soaked. It was easier to hide the tears that way. "Please say something, Kev. I need you," with that the jock collapsed to his knees, gripping the grave stone. "I'm sorry," He said sobbing, "I should have let you know how much I cared for you. How much I.." He started to sob harder, "how much I loved you. How much I still do."

Nat hadn't left quite yet, picking up what was left of his own things he brought. He turned around to see Edd slumped over the grave stone. He'd heard everything he said and decided to start walking over to the stubborn jock. Nathan opened his umbrella and shielded Eddward from the rain.

Edd noticed that he was no longer being rained on and turned to look at Nat, eyes red and puffy. He looked so…not like Edd. His eyes were wide and questioning and he looked so frail then. The way Edd's sleeves were pulling up, Nathan could see a hint of the damage the swim captain had done to his arm. He bent down, making sure they were both covered from the downpore and Nat wrapped his arm around him. "You know we all miss him," he told Edd, "but you don't have to go through this alone." With that, Edd wrapped his arms around Nat's waist and buried his face into his chest. It took the teal hair boy aback a bit, but he soon dropped the umbrella and wrapped both his arms around the swimmer. "It's gonna be ok," he soothed, "I promise."


	8. I Could be the One

Edd was unaware of how long Nat and him had stayed in the rain as they held each other. Neither boy had realized how much they needed this. Just someone to hold each other and say everything would be alright. Just to know there was someone else who could relate to how the other felt. Sure, Nat had Nazz still, but it wasn't the same. He couldn't just break down in front of her. He felt like he had to put on a brave face for her, so he didn't have to see Nazz cry again.

Edd was the one who pulled away. He rubbed his puffy eyes, and looked up at Nathan. His eyes were just as red as the swimmers figured his were. When had Nat started crying? He couldn't think of a time he'd actually ever seen the teal haired boy without that dumb smirk on his face. He found he didn't like the tears.

Nat wiped his own eyes. He hadn't realized he started crying in front of the swimmer, either. Nat looked into Edd's eyes. The jock looked so fragile right now, but so did Nathan. Both of them needed the other right now. Though, looking over the swimmer's face, he could see why Kevin liked him, at least on face value. The swim captain had beautiful features.

He shook his head and helped Eddward stand. Edd greatly took the help, as his legs felt so weak now. He didn't even care at the moment that neither of them pulled their hands away. He was enjoying the feel of another person's touch at the moment. The fact that it was one of the last living remnants of Kevin, helped the situation.

He mentally punched himself for trying to push Nat away in the beginning. Just looking in the guy's eyes, Edd could see how much Kevin's friend was hurting as well. He was sure seeing Kevin's death had to haunt him in some way, and the swimmer suddenly felt even more selfish for acting the way he had been.

Edd just noticed how wet he was, and how much mud was on him. He needed a shower. Badly.

"Hey," Edd finally said, his voice still cracking, "if you need a ride. I am able to give you one. You may come over as well." _I do not want to be alone. _

Nathan nodded his head, "Yeah, a ride would be nice. The people who I drove with must have abandoned me. Don't blame them. It's wet as balls out here." He laughed.

Edd laughed at that as well, and picked up the umbrella. He handed it back to Goldberg to shield him from the rain. Edd didn't say anything as he led them both back to his car. Neither did Nathan though. It was not an uncomfortable silence, there was just nothing to be said at the moment.

He cringed at the thought of getting his car muddy. There was no helping it, but he still would intensively clean it when he got the chance. He could hear Nat chuckle at the face Edd was making and he gave the other man a scowl. He found he wasn't actually mad, though. He was glad to hear a happy noise of some sort.

The drive to Eddward's house was silent as well. Neither of them could really think of what to say to the other, and they didn't really find a reason to try. It was just nice to have a companion. The swimmer contemplated turning on music, but found he liked the quiet more. There was something soothing about it in the mess that had been these past few weeks.

It felt like an eternity before they both made it back to Edd's home. He opened the car door for Nat before walking silently to unlock the door to his home. The other man followed him slowly, starting to get unsure of how to react with the swimmer. Nat had never been to the jock's house. It was nice. Not big, but a modest two story home.

He opened the door and walked inside, not really looking to see if Nat was following him at all, "Please remove your shoes and set them on the rack."

Edd's aloofness did not unnoticed by the other male, but he knew to give the swimmer enough space. He knew that it was in a moment of weakness that the jock had allowed him to comfort him at the grave site, and he didn't really want to push his luck.

Nat looked around the home. It was pristine inside. Not a speck of dust in site. It was almost unnerving. It didn't really look like anyone lived there. Come to think of it, Nat had really only seen Edd's car here most of the time, and the swimmer had to be lonely.

The swimmer went for the bottle of Vodka he'd managed to hide from his mother. She'd locked most of it up so Edd wouldn't get to it, but he'd managed to sneak one bottle for himself without her knowing. It was something he'd felt terrible for, but he didn't know any other way aside from the self destructive ways he'd turned to. He was not sure how to ask others for help.

"Would you like a drink?" He said, turning to finally face Nat, "or food?" His voice was devoid of any emotion by this point. He felt like if he actually put any emphasis in his words, he would break down again and he was tired to crying.

He sighed, "I'm not hungry, but I'll drink with you. I'd prefer you would not be alone and after today, and everything, I think I need a drink as well."

A small smile threatened to tug the sides of his lips. He brought some mixers for them, and led Nat to his couch.

And that's what they did for the rest of the evening. Nat had informed them that everyone was excused from classes the next day because of the funeral. So, they didn't have to worry about hangovers or getting up for school. They could just find a way to relax.

The more they drank, the more they both started to open up. They reminisced about Kevin, and the good times they had had together with him. Nat had told him about when Kevin was putting his first robot together, that it almost exploded and blew up Kevin's garage. Edd told him about trying to teach the red head how to swim and that while he was terrible, it was nice to see that he tried so hard at everything he did.

Even as they laughed and reminisced, they could both feel a pang of sadness come through them both, knowing that they would never see him again. It wasn't something that was spoken, it was just known by the two of them. The reality had really sunk in earlier that day, and both started to go quiet.

Eddward was the first to break the silence, "I know it may not be something you wish to speak of," he began, "but, where you there when Kevin died? I wish to know he wasn't alone when it happened."

He nodded, "Yeah, I saw him die," he slurred. He hadn't meant for the words to come out like that, but there was no taking them back now.

"You…saw him?" He asked, "Nat..I didn't know."

He sat up from where he was slouched, "Not like you spoke to me after you found about his death," he snapped, "you were a complete ass." He ran a hand through his teal hair, "I'm sorry. It's not something I like to relive."

The jock just leaned back on the couch, and looked up at the ceiling, "No, I should be the one who is apologizing. I acted like a child when I should have come to see how you both were doing. He was my boyfriend, and I acted like I didn't even care. I can only imagine how…hurt you both were." Edd was surprised at his ability to still formulate sentences. Especially, with the amount of booze they had both consumed.

"Still," He began. Nat could feel his eyes get heavy and found his head resting on the swim captains shoulder. Any other time, Edd would have forced him off right away, but he would make an exception, "we shouldn't have made you feel responsible. It wasn't right."

"Even if I am?" He asked, looking down at the other.

"None of us can take the blame. It was his choice. At least, that's what I keep telling myself. I don't know if I could handle it if that wasn't the truth," his voice was soft, "I still see him, ya know. When I close my eyes, I still see the accident."

"I'm sorry," he whispered, not knowing what else he could say to comfort him.

"S'ok. Nothing you could have done," He mumbled, "don't hurt yourself anymore, k?" That was the last thing he said before finally falling asleep on the jock's shoulder.

This guy was fascinating to him. They'd hardly spoken before this, and whether it was from the drinks or not Edd wasn't sure, but Nathan had showed some form of caring to him. He felt comforted, in a weird way. Like, he had permission to not take this out on himself. What a strange thought.

He hadn't remembered falling asleep, but when he woke up he had his arms around a still sleeping Nathan. Edd's face heated up. It wasn't as though he'd never slept with anyone before, but this was different. It was Kevin's friend, whom until recently, had annoyed the ever living hell out of him. This guy felt the same in his arms as Kevin had and almost smelt similar. Maybe that's where the red head had gotten the cologne he always wore around Edd.

This was too much for the hangover he was experiencing. He managed to pry himself away from the other without waking him up. First things was first, he needed to do something about his head. Edd looked over at the clock. It was still early, around six am. Well, it was better than getting up at four. He cleaned up the booze, and glasses, making his way back to the kitchen.

He started to make coffee before finding the aspirin and popping two in his mouth. He chugged a glass of water along with them, knowing the wonderful liquid would sooth his head in time. He felt nauseated, but thanked the heavens that he didn't have anything to release from his stomach. He didn't have the energy for that.

Though, all things considered, he felt pretty good. Aside from the skull spitting hangover, anyway. He quietly moved through the kitchen to start making food for the two of them. He had a feeling Nat wouldn't be feeling the best either, and he may as well get prepared. He had everything he needed for pancakes before filling up another glass of water and some aspirin.

He set both down by the sleeping form still on the couch before going to retrieve a blanket and a much more comfortable pillow. It was the least he could do for the other for staying last night. He had half expected Nat to wake up at some point, realize he was still with Edd, and leave. It was nice that someone had stayed.

It was around eight before the other had woken up. Nat cursed himself for waking up so early on a day where he couldn't have slept in, but he was used to not sleeping much lately. He looked around. This wasn't his house. Then, he remembered where he was and looked for the swimmer. He could smell the food cooking and looked down to see the pills and water. He downed them quickly before getting up to find the person responsible for the wondrous scent coming from the kitchen.

Edd turned around when he heard the foot steps behind him, but flashed a grin anyway, "Ah, Nathan, you've finally woken up. Sit down, there's orange juice waiting and food is almost done. Pancakes are going to have to be alright, because that is what you have gotten."

Nat looked at the set table, then back to Eddward, "Dude, you okay?"  
He looked confused as he turned to face the other again, "Hmmm, what do you mean?"

He went to sit down and raised his eyebrow, "I mean, you're smiling, and cooking me food. I figured you would have thrown me out the second I woke up."

Edd turned back around to flip the food over, "Well, I had thought the same thing, but seems I am in a good mood now that my hangover has passed, and am going to ride it out for however long it lasts."

Nat shrugged. It was better than seeing him angry and mopey, though this was weird. He'd never seen the swim captain crack a smile, unless it was with Kevin or Marie. It was…nice.

Once Edd served them their food, they didn't really speak. It was, again, a comfortable silence. It was also an agreement that didn't have to be spoken between the two. They were in this together now.


	9. Parachute

That is how their friendship started, though one could hardly call it a friendship in the sense. It was more of an agreement between the two of them. They wouldn't leave the other until they were both, not necessarily better, but functioning again. Edd was not a fan of doctors, and he was not one to speak about his feelings to a therapist. Nat was going to see someone, but it was nice having someone to talk to who knew what he was going through.

It wasn't that they really spoke to each other much during the school days. They stayed within their respected groups, and only occasionally shared a knowing glance in the hallways or at lunch. Nat knew better than to bring it up to him during school. Eddward was still trying to act like it didn't affect him, despite knowing better.

Nat's job in school was to help Nazz, who was doing considerably better than she had been. Even at the funeral, she seemed to be more accepting of Kevin's death than she'd originally been. The girl was strong, and a fast healer it seemed. It would still take her a while, but just knowing that she was starting to move on, made Nat feel that much better.

Now, he wanted to work on Eddward. Even thought he'd told the swimmer not to let himself be alone in this, the teal-haired boy was having a tough time coming to grips with it. He still saw the accident when he closed his eyes, and was having a tough time sleeping because of it. This must be what Edd felt like on a daily basis, and it sucked to say the least.

Having to see Edd, too, was hard. Everything about him screamed Kevin, for whatever reason. Maybe it's because he was all the red head would talk about when the two of them had gotten together finally. He knew he couldn't just leave the jock alone, but it was still hard to see him, knowing the swimmer was a reason Kevin had died. He shook his head. No, he couldn't bring himself to blame Edd, no matter what. At least, not anymore. Not after seeing the other side to the shark of Peach Creek.

Seeing that the guy actually had some emotions aside from being a prick and an arrogant bastard, really did put him into a whole new light for Nat. He could never tell anyone about it, though. That would be their secret. Just like how Edd wouldn't tell anyone else how screwed up Nat's head had been since that day.

While they never spoke face to face during the day, they would send each other messages. Well, more like Nathan would send him a text, and Edd would scold him for not paying attention in class. Then, he would send one back, saying something along the lines of telling Edd he should pay attention too, because he messaged him back.

The swimmer wouldn't admit it out loud, but he found himself giving a small smile when he saw that name come across his screen. He wasn't really mad at the fact that Nat was texting him during class, and the teachers wouldn't say anything to Edd about responding, even if they'd caught him. Being a star athlete had it's perks.

There was still a sting he felt though, when he saw Nat or any of Kevin's other friends. That soft sullen reminder that he used to be laughing there with him. Even being around Nathan was still hard to do sober. Everything about him reminded him of his nerd. The happy go lucky attitude, his scent, and the over all life in his eyes. It was a challenge to not break down every time he had that reminder.

He knew Nat didn't have it easy either. He actually saw Kevin die, and Eddward knew better than to force himself into anymore of a pity party because he didn't have nearly as bad as Keivn's best friend did. Edd was still unsure what damage that had done to him, but he was sure it was immense. You don't just watch someone you care about die before you and come out unscathed.

Still Nat had seemed to be holding up better than Edd had. Though, Edd had kept his promise, as hard as it was. He never really answered Nat about not hurting himself, but just because he had asked, he somehow felt compelled not to do anymore. That and people were starting to talk on the team. Which pissed Eddward off to no end.

After school was when the two of them would meet up, Edd because he didn't want to be alone -not that he would admit it, mind you- and Nat because he didn't want Edd to be alone. He wanted to keep an eye on him, whether Edd wanted it or not. He knew he didn't have to, but he did feel compelled to.

The school day went faster than it normally had been this past couple of weeks. They would do what they had been doing since the funeral. The two of them would study until Nat got tired of it, and then they'd find something else to do. A couple of nights, they watched movies, on another they played games, and one day they just bullshited. They both found they had quite a bit in common and found that they enjoyed each other's company.

Tonight was the Saturday, almost two weeks after the funeral. The two of them decided that it would be a good day to just go out, and Edd had suggested a swim. He knew of a wonderful spot to take him, and he'd only ever taken Kevin there.

Whether he'd be getting down to taking his shirt off in front of Nat, was still up for debate, but for now he was just glad to get out of the house. Nathan was the same way. He was just glad to get out of the home, and he was actually feeling…special? That was a strange thing to be feeling. Sure Edd had told him this was a special area, and that he'd only ever took Kevin there. Wait, how did he put it?

_I have only ever taken one other person to this spot, and it was Kevin. This is a secret area. You should feel honored that I am taking you there and if you tell anyone else about it, I will end you._

Edd definitely had a way with words. Speaking of he wondered where the jock was. It was noon already and he was supposed to be here about five minutes ago. It was unusual for the swimmer to be late, and he was wondering if Edd was even going to show.

_Knock, Knock_

Speak of the devil. He went downstairs and opened the door. Edd was dressed far more casual than he was used to. Edd was in a pair of black sweat pants, and a long, tight black shirt. Edd had his swim suit under his sweats, came with a bag of towels and sunscreen. Despite the fact that it was so hot outside, the swimmer still felt the need to hide the scars. He'd been lucky not to have had any swim meets, as scheduling had become very hectic because of the funeral, and the death of a student.

Nat had a simple blue wife beater on along with some plaid shorts. He was wearing his swim gear already as well, knowing full well the jock would want to hit the water right away.

"Finally," Nat grinned, "thought you'd forgotten all about be."

Edd rolled his eyes, "Nathan, no one could forget you. Now shall we proceed? We have a bit of a walk."

Nat nodded as Edd started to walk. The two of them started to head towards the lake. Edd didn't give much for direction to where they were headed. Once they got to the lake, Edd didn't stop walking. The two of them walked silently along the water's edge until they came to a group of trees. Once inside the area, they were still walking, and Nat was looking around. The farther they got from the cul-de-sac, the quieter it got.

The softer and clearer the water got. While by their homes, the water was not the cleanest and the current could be a pain, the river along here was not like that. It was soft, and just flowing lightly and crystal clear.

After about a mile of walking the two of them reached a clearing and the sight almost took Nat's breath away. It was quiet here, save for a few birds chirping. The grass was green and soft, and the warm breeze flowed through the trees that surrounded them. The pond in the middle was clear as day and the sun made it seem like it was glistening.

It didn't look too terribly deep either. This place really was beautiful, and he did feel lucky to be able to share it with Eddward, even after such a short time knowing him. He must have felt like he could trust Nat if he'd brought him here.

"Wonderful place isn't it?" Eddward asked finally. He could almost feel the calm wash over him, and wondered why he hadn't come here sooner. Maybe he thought there would be far too many memories, but it wasn't so bad.

"Yeah, it is," he muttered, "so…uh…Edd…are you going swimming?" May as well just come out and ask.

He wanted to say no, but the water looked far to appealing and Edd hated wet clothing. He had made the decision along the way to allow Nat to see his scars. If they were going to be friends, or at least partners in this, Eddward realized he needed to open up. He wouldn't be able to do it all at once, but he could at least do this much.

Nathan wasn't sure what to expect when Edd just started taking off his shirt. He'd expected more of a protest from the man, but seems he just wanted to get this over with. Nat had been shocked by what he saw. It wasn't as though he hadn't seen hints of the cuts, but to see them all in such a light was another thing entirely. The fact that they spanned, not only from his arms, but down to his ribs and hips actually hurt the other to look at.

"Well, now you know," He said flatly. If he allowed any emotion in his voice, he wouldn't be able to handle it himself later on.

Without thinking, or knowing why really, Nat walked up to the swimmer and grabbed his arm. Edd was taken aback by his sudden movements, and tried to pull away. Nathan held his ground, and let his body move on it's own. His lips met with the scars on the jock's wrist, as if to try and mend them and let him know they would no longer be needed.

When he realized what happened, he pulled back. The hell was he doing? This was Kevin's boyfriend, and the two had only gotten to know each other for the better part of a few weeks. The swimmer wasn't sure how to react either, and just stood there staring into Nathan's golden eyes.

Those eyes that held the same memories of his nerd, and the ones that reminded him so much of the other. He had a strange thought, and wondered if his lips would taste the same as well. He took the other man gently by the chin and brougth their lips together.

It was unexpected for the both of them, but maybe it was what both men needed. Maybe not the love from the other, but just the touch. To let them know they were both still alive, and that they could feel.


	10. Heart Beat

**Author's Note: **Ahhhh look who's finally updating again. :'3 I could go into the computer excuse, cause that's what it was, but I'm just going to leave this here and thank everyone who's still stuck by me and waited patiently. I hope this is enough of a reward and also to thank you guys for the over 100 follows. I really don't know what to say and I'm glad you all are here. Nat belongs to C2ndy 2c1d and the R!Au belongs to Asphy

* * *

After the kiss, the two men were silent. Edd found himself wanting to disappear in the water as he swam, hoping to somehow become apart of it so he wouldn't have to analyze what happened. Nat sat on the shore and watched the man swim off his confusion in silence. Nat wasn't fairing any better. He knew, hell they both knew, it was something they needed. While it may not lead to anything later, it was what the two of them had needed then.

Still, it had been strange. The two of them never had shown any interest in each other before any of this, and it would have never crossed their minds. Kevin was in love with Edd and Nat had now known how in love with Kevin Edd had been.

Though, the second those soft lips had touched his, a shock wave had been sent through his body. Little did Nat know, it had been sent through Edd as well. Which both frustrated, and confused the swimmer. Sure, Nathan had reminded him quite a bit of Kevin. Not so much in mannerisms and personality, but in the fact that he held the memories of his late boyfriend. It was the same for Nat as well. Edd and Nazz were the last memories of Kevin he had. With the two of them still around, it was like his best friend was too.

It helped that they both found they liked each other. At least enough to tolerate each other on a daily basis. Both men had things that seemed to piss the other off, as they'd both learned in the short time they'd started to grow close. Edd's OCD and ticks drove Nat mad, and the fact that Nat did not listen to Edd when he explained his reasoning for them pissed Edd of to no end. Honestly, it pissed him off as much as it made him respect the man. Most people wouldn't talk back to him like that and he enjoyed it immensely.

Neither could say that the kiss sparked anything more than normal curiosity, and the need to just be close to someone else. Everyone had their own ways of coping right? Eddward had just been annoyed that he was not over this yet. Everything, even when he was with the other man to try and take his mind off of it, brought him back to him and Kevin some how.

Including this goddamn place. He reemerged from the water and ran his hands atop of his hat to make sure it was at least as wrung out as possible. He still hadn't been able to take it off in front of the other, and he didn't think he would be able to.

Edd was so damn graceful when he swam and when he broke free of the water. It was mesmerizing for him to watch. Even if he could see all of the slowly fading scars on the swimmer's body. He wanted to take the scars from the man and place them on himself, so at least one of them wouldn't be suffering. That would never be the case, though, and he knew it. Nathan still had his own issues to be dealing with, even if they were slowly getting better.

Eddward had refused any other kind of help, so he was left to deal with everything internally. Hell, he didn't speak about it to Nat unless something slipped, or he'd caught him off guard. It wasn't like Edd didn't trust him, he just didn't want to seem weak in front of someone who he was starting to consider an equal.

The swimmer pulled himself from the water and went to his bag. He pulled out a towel for himself to dry off the best he could. He'd really need a shower after this, but he never regretting swimming here. Well, he never used too. Seemed he'd come to this place far too soon, and he was doing what he could to keep himself composed. It would be fine once they left this area. At least, that is what he told himself.

Nat watched him, still in silence. There really was nothing to be said, and it honestly wasn't unwanted or uncomfortable. He'd gotten used to the fact that Edd would just stop talking and go within himself from time to time. He'd always come from his trances and they'd go about their day.

Once dressed, he turned back to Nathan. He'd pretty much forgotten that he'd brought the guy with him once he lost himself in the thoughts and the water. He actually felt fairly bad about that, and gave the other man a weak smile as he walked to him.

"I really wasn't much of a host was I?" He asked and rubbed the back of his neck, "shall we get going, though? It is going to get dark soon, and I feel as though we should get back before then."

Oh great, now he was having a tough time looking at him. He was hoping Nat was oblivious to it. It was just a damn kiss. Either lucky, or unlucky for him which ever came first, Nat had noticed. He watched the swimmer struggle within himself with his emotions and wondered if this is how he was with Kevin at all. This was another new side to Edd, and Nat thought it was...cute. Yes, cute was the word he was looking for.

"You were fine. Besides, I got to enjoy a good view," He just grinned and shook his head, "Yeah, let's get going, man."

That got a small chuckle out of Edd as he helped the other man up. He didn't say anything else, but he did have a small smile on his face. He noticed how warm Nathan's hand felt in his own. Neither let go right away, and they both just stared at each other.

Edd was the one to pull away first, and turned his head to hide the light blush. Which frustrated even more, seeing as he had no need to be embarrassed or bashful in front of the other man. This was getting ridiculous.

Nat had found himself not wanting to pull his hand away, finding it felt as comforting as the kiss. He noticed how soft the jock's hand was and wondered if the rest of the jock's body was as soft. Not like he hadn't noticed the feathery feel of the other boy's body when Nat's lips touched him, but it was now finally registering.

The walk back had been painful for Nathan as he continued to think about the swimmer's skin. It was selfish he knew, but the more he thought about it, the more he wanted the man. In whatever way he could. He just wanted to run his fingers over the skin, nip at it, anything really. Even if it was just another taste, he wanted something.

They more they walked, the more his mind wandered. So, this was what he meant when Kevin said the arrogant jock was 'addictive.' That made quite a bit of sense now, and it was almost maddening. He had been so lost in thought that Nat hadn't even realized they'd made it back to the cul-de-sac.

Edd had been quite, lost in thought as well. Little did Nat know, the jock was thinking along very similar lines, and was weighing his options. He didn't want to ruin whatever it was they had at the moment, and he didn't know if he could handle losing it. Even if he didn't want to admit that he really did need someone else.

He just couldn't get the way Nat's lips felt against his or how nice it was to have the other's lips along his arm. He thanked whatever god was in the sky that Nathan had been walking behind him and not paying attention to the jock. Seeing as he had been touching his lips as they walked back to civilization.

It had caught the swimmer off guard as well how quickly they had made it back. The trip normally seemed to take much longer, but seems the other had taken his mind off of that. Nat had been able to take his mind off of quite a few things lately it seemed, and that was just another thing he was grateful for.

He'd have to do something to make this up to the other man. What he wasn't sure, but seeing as he'd gone out of his way to help Edd, and _stayed_ was a feat in and of itself. Even after the way Eddward had acted in the beginning, Nat had found a way to force himself into the his life.

They both continued to walk until they made it to Edd's door and he took out his keys, "I suppose I should be getting inside. I have a bit of studying to do."

He started to open the door to his home, until he felt a hand on his shoulder that spun him around. Nathan decided to just got for it and see where this would lead, if anywhere. His lips crashed against the swimmer's and he took in the taste of those feathery, soft lips. He pushed Edd against the door, and held him there by his shoulders.

The jock had been taken aback by the sudden kiss, and his eyes had widened. His hands laid against the door, not really sure of what to do with themselves, seeing as this had not been expected. After a moment, though, his mouth became accustomed and he kissed the man back, closing his eyes to analyze everything he was feeling.

His body relaxed, and he could feel chills fall down his body. He was getting the same chills and the same relaxing wave crash over him. It was familiar, so, so very familiar. He couldn't even pin all of the emotions he was feeling; happiness, sadness, anger, and curiosity. He decided he would settle on curiosity.

Nathan was surprised, but glad that Edd was responding to the kiss. He was even happier when the swimmer's hands found their way around his waist and pulled him closer. Nathan deepened the kiss and nipped at his bottom lip which he received a wonderful sound from the swimmer.

They both pulled away for air, both of their faces flush. Edd pushed Nat away, and opened the door to his home. Nat was about to walk away, thinking that the jock was having second thoughts about the kiss until Edd opened the door and pulled Nathan in by his shirt.

The second they were inside, Edd turned the tables, and pushed the other against the door pressing his lips again to him. It was Nat's turn to be surprised, but he quickly responded and gripped the other boy by the shirt as well.

Tongues and teeth collided, both men trying to fight for dominance in the kiss. Hands moved from each other's shirts. Edd's hands gripped in Nathan's hair and Nat's moved under the jock's shirt, feeling along the now healing scars. He explored Eddward's chest, and his thumbs brushed against his nipples, eliciting another moan.

At the touch, Edd decided he would let Nathan have some control. This was one of the highest complements the jock could give and Nat should feel honored. He realized that Nathan had been in control of everything this whole time, and Edd had not. Not his emotions, not his anger, nothing. So, it only made sense to him to allow the other to dominate him in this aspect as well.

This did not go unnoticed to Nat and he took full advantage of this. He moved his hands from his chest to his hips, and pulled Edd's hips to his. Nat groaned when he felt the swimmer's hardness against his own, and started to grind his hips against the other.

Eddward responded with his own thrusts and his own moans. His noises grew when Nat broke the kiss and started to run his tongue along the jock's sensitive neck. Edd lifted his head to give the other more room to play with and was rewarded with hard bites and apologetic kisses on the bites. Both knew those would leave marks, but neither cared at the moment.

"My room," the jock finally breathed out.

He didn't have to tell Nat twice, as he pushed the swimmer to his room, tearing off his shirt and throwing it on the stairs. Normally, this would have pissed Edd off, but he could've cared less at this moment. He pulled off Nat's shirt once they finally found his room and threw it to the side.

Lips found each other once more, as did their hands. Arms wrapped around each other, skin found skin, and hips ground against the other. Neither were hold back the sounds that escaped their mouths, and Nat made sure to mark the taller man's shoulders. Edd may not be his now or ever, but he would at least let anyone else who had him, that he was Nat's for the moment.

Eddward forced Nat away from the door and pushed him down on the bed, pulling down his shorts. When the other's erection was finally freed, Edd licked his lips and made no time before pulling the man into his mouth. He began to bob his head, and moaned as he moved.

"Fuck Edd!" Nat let out and threw his head back. Goddamn Edd's mouth knew what it was doing and he'd never experienced anything like this. The teal haired boy's hand went to grip the hairs on the back of the swimmer's head, not quite making it under the still damp hat. His hips thrust into Edward's mouth, and the jock chuckled sending wonderful vibrations down the other's cock. That was the reaction he was hoping Nathan would give him.

Nathan couldn't take it any longer and pulled him off of his dick by the back of his head by his hair and threw the other man down on the bed. He wrapped Edd's legs around his body and started moving against him once more, finding he couldn't get enough of the jock's body. Not enough of his scent, his taste, and just his entire being.

He kissed down his neck, and licked to his chest until he found one of the hard pink buds along Eddward's chest. He took one of them in his mouth and began to bite and suck, while his other hand went to go play with the neglected nipple.

"Ffffuck," Edd yelled out, and arched his back into the touches.

Yes, this was the kind of thing Eddward needed. To be pushed and dominated, like he normally did. To be treated the exact opposite of the way he treated Kevin. This was amazing. All of it was. This was the first time he actually enjoyed just being. He was starting to feel alive once again, instead of the numb, angry shell that he had become. He didn't think he could feel anything like that again, but seems he was being proven wrong.

Nat removed his mouth from the sensitive buds, and tore of Edd's sweats and swim trunks. He bit his lip and just took in the site before him. Edd was panting, and his face was flush. The jock's eyes were only half open by this point and his mouth hung open in a lazy smile. God the man was beautiful to look at. The scars didn't detract from that, either. They didn't enhance anything, but Nat didn't think anything could make the man unappealing.

He needed to truly leave his mark on the swimmer. Nat didn't even ask where the man's stash was, he just assumed. Seems he was right and thinking it was in the night stand by the bed, and he took out the lube and a condom.

He slicked up his fingers and made sure to slick up the man's entrance as well. He slid a finger in slowly, not wanting to hurt the other man. Even if Nat wanted him as quickly as he could.

Edd groaned, just wanting Nat to take him already, "I am not breakable, Nat."

Nathan raised an eyebrow and shrugged. If Edd wanted him to take him, then that's what Nat would do. He plunged two finger's roughly into Edd and didn't wait for him to adjust. He moved his fingers until he found the spot he was looking for.

Edd cried out as the pleasure shot through him, and he moved his body to make sure Nat kept hitting that spot. He gripped the seats and shut his eyes to enjoy every sensation that made their way through his body.

Once Nat thought the swimmer was very well stretched for him, he pulled out his fingers and quickly put on the condom and slicked himself up some more. Edd watched as his legs were pushed over Nathan's shoulders and he was positioned so the other could enter him.

Nat bit his lip again to compose himself before pushing himself inside of the swimmer. He let out a breath and moaned as the warmth enveloped him. Now, Nat was no virgin, but this was different than anything he'd ever experienced before. Granted, Edd was different than anyone he'd ever met before so it was only fitting.

Eddward's hands were gripping the sheet tighter as Nat's size filled him. His eyes rolled to the back of his head, and he found Nathan was still going far too slow for his taste.

"Nat...please," he breathed. He wasn't one for begging, but he needed this.

Not wanting to disappoint, Nathan began to thrust into the man, making sure to hit the spot inside to make the jock scream. Both men were panting, yelling, and making any lewd noise they could muster.

Fuck this felt good. No, this was better than good. Amazing? No that wasn't the word either. Neither could really put the right word to this, and neither really cared too. They were just enjoying the feeling of what this interaction was giving them. Which was a sense of peace, and pleasure that they had denied themselves since the death.

Both men could feel themselves getting close, but neither of them wanting this to end so soon. It was inevitable, though, and Nat grabbed Edd's hard cock and began to stroke it in time with his hard thrusts.

Edd came first, shouting Nat's name, his toes curling and whole body arching and shaking after the orgasm. The sound of Edd's voice sent Nathan over the edge and after a few more hard thrusts, he came as well. His body was shaking and he was panting as he rode out the wave after wave of pleasure that was coursing through him.

The only noise that could be heard now was the sound of their pants. Edd finally opened his eyes and looked at the other, who was observing the swimmer as if to see how the shark would react. Eddward did the only thing he could think of, and brought the man down into a soft kiss.

That kiss seemed to seal their unspoken contract. They were stuck with each other now, and neither of them were in any position to complain. They'd discuss what ever this was tomorrow, but for now, they'd enjoy the night together. Who knows how long their contract would last, but neither men wanted to know.

After a quick shower from the both of them, and a silent meal shared together, they stayed up with one an other and made love for the rest of the night, both men taking turns to pleasure the other. This is what should have happened all along, and it was something they could now enjoy whenever they needed it.


End file.
